I’m determined not to make this blog about my grief…this was Zato’s journey.  I am going to cut myself some slack for a while, though.  I picked up his ashes today.  I got some lovely cards from friends saying how sorry they are.  I got a letter from his oncologist saying they had made a donation to FETCH a Cure in his memory.  I got an e-mail from Dr. Loops with his condolences along with a poem I really liked.  I feel that people truly care – people here, people he knew.

Yet, I feel like I am moving through deep water.  Trudging my way through the heaviness of getting through the day.  How can I feel so empty and so full of pain at the same time?

The box for his ashes isn’t here yet.  I opened the box from the vet and broke down even more when I saw they had made a paw print impression for us.  I didn’t know they would do that.

I miss you buddy, and it’s getting worse every day.  I’m trying really hard, because I know you’d never want us to be sad.  And I am going to celebrate your life as soon as the hemorrhaging stops.  It has to stop soon.  There can’t be much of it (and me) left.

I love you so much.